behind that smile

"NOSEY PARKERS"

EEEeee boring nye..Sudah sudah lah tu..kita semua pun dah berumur..sepatutnya berfikiran lebih matang. Apa perlukah kita mengata dan mengumpat kawan kita dibelakang?atau pun nak mengenakan kengkawan tu biarlah bertempat....maanusia nie..makin tua makin sensitif.

Bila bergurau tu pun ada batasannya jugak..nie tidak..dalam facebook bagi komen yang merapu..kekadang tu yang bukan-bukan....langsung tak faham...Apa perlu kah kawan kita tu bertukar untuk membahagiakan kita?kalau dia dah macam tu..macam tu lah jugak..kawan tu tak pernah menyusahkan sesiapa..udah udah lah tu ...

Be considerate of other people's feelings without finding excuses for unacceptable behaviour.

To XXXXX relax..those are neither your fault nor your responsibility. Some friends are confused...said far too little about far too many issues... try to keep cool ya..and see humour in the situation and you'll be able to laugh it off...

Take me for example...undeserved remarks I used to receive were very upsetting..but I learnt to let it go...they're just jealous for what I've got and what I've achieved...I don't care. Only those who have been ill treated knows how the other person felt.

Is There Life after 50?

Yes,there is life after 50 ..I don't feel 50 but I'm more confident and hey..how many more mistakes can we make at 50?

The morning of my 50th birthday,I lay in bed reflecting on my life so far and what I had learnt a year before,after my husband operation on his heart.It was truly a nightmare...to an fro the hospital,seeing to his needs and made him accommodating. Children were afraid..what if and what if..

Most women don't want to tell their age but I'm proud to tell the world that I'm 50 and I want to celebrate every birthday till 80?or probably more...

The things I'd learned in my life,the mistakes I've made and the choices I'd taken....At this age,I still have girlfriends who love me (infact they wouldn't want to leave me) my SL ( a dentist ) and my KT (a PA ). We've been together ever since the three of us met by accident in the maternity ward hehehehe in maternity ward!!.

We all delivered beautiful baby girl 23yrs ago.

There's some sort of a chemistry we have and it's truly amazing that our friendship could survive till now....I thank ALLAH for blessing me with that charm and that smile. Relationship that has to be kept a secret. Well,our lives aren't perfect,we're not doing what we should be...we thought that we have failed in some way.Yet the truth is it's OK to have a messy life and get things wrong. Its OK to go after something and fail...we should not be afraid of not being perfect or fear the failure...we should embrace the life we have and live every moment to the full.

I decided to make each day joyful and meaningful in even one small way...

NIK AIDIL ~ 21st March 1993

Children are a blessing...
Welll.....it was 4 days before hari raya Aidil Fitri..he too can't wait and have to see what the world has to offer him. I think what he said isss I have to come out..I want to see..how daddy, mummy and my sister looked like...






The doctors have tried to turn him around so that I could deliver him normal but he push his head on top and that's where I need to have a ceasarean..potong....oh God..even as a baby he has to show who's the boss?oh dear...and I have to bayar puasa for 4days..lucky me!!

He's so much like his father...the walk ( like itek pulang petang ),the looks,the behaviour or maybe he's slightly a bit better than his father...His behaviour changes every year towards his growing up. I remember when he was 4yrs old and we went to the "pasar malam" he showed his best self by crying out so loud for wanting toys that he already have in his room. I left him alone there and he came back home "safely" by himself and to my surprise he asked for an apology.....there's softness in his heart...I felt relieved because I thought he would have lost...well... the thing is...the pasar malam is right infront of our house..tak jauh pun but hati tu takut juga...

One day when I picked him up at the nursery and when the car stop at a junction...he opened the car door and went out by himself...tantrums ...again...I don't know what makes him do that but when I managed to catch the young man and I asked him nicely what is the matter?he said the nursery teacher locked him and his friends in a room without giving them to play anything. I went to the nursery and confronted the teacher and filed a complaint to the owner of the nursery. You can't keep the children in a room without giving them to play and it's wrong to stop the childrens being active. Children are children..let them play.

As time passes.....whenever there are new things on the road..mountain bike..bmx...trx...you name it..he wanted it. Without waiting for us to buy him the bike..he bought it himself with his allowance money.Although we would always gave our children what they've wanted but it would based on their school performances.

When he got 1st in his class, we gave him a small black and white tv that cost RM50,I thought he's happy with it but he's not.He kept "mengungkit" all the time. Upbeat and happy one minute, moody and sulking the next...That .... is Nik Aidil Fikri...

Now,, he is 17yrs old..his interest has changed and there's a lot of bicycles at the porch minus the one we have given away to our former neighbour, Kisho. Guest what his new interest is? what else if it's not motorbike. Last year during the school holiday, his father asked him to take the License and lucky he passed.

Then just recently I took him to an old friends wedding...after eating,he wants to wait in the car to play with his PSP..okay..at least I have an extra time talking and meeting with more old friends.My hubby talked to my friends hubby and while we were chit chatting..he called asking for how long do I need to be there..I said give me more time..and he said..ok..take your time mom..how glad I am to hear that..buut when we were about to leave...we looked for the car and it's no where around the parking place...oh dear..my hearts beating faster than ever..He said he have to drive the car because a garbage lorry could not move and our car obstructing the road.AND HE DROVE THE CAR!!!!

Last year he got a place studying at Sek.Men.Teknik Gombak and major in Mechanical engineering. There he go flying off like a little bird. Lot of kids go off to college,but they don't last ( just like NIK AIDIL FIKRI ). He get homesick. Start coming home all the time..complaining of a headache..stomach ache..aching here and there. I got fed up with his excuses and I said once and for all..you want to be in that school or you do not ?give me an answer..I dont raise children to be manja and if you want to be manja biar kena pada tempatnye...so...finally he put a stand and firm decision that he would change..unlike his sister,bringing him up can be daunting at times.

Indeed,he have changed..more murtured in his thinking and more understanding.

Dear Nik Aidil Fikri bin Mohd Bauzi,we love you ( mom,dad and your sis )for better or for worse we would always be together...we pray that you would be an engineer as your career but we would support you all the way if you want to be a chef too..whatever would be ,would be...the future is not ours to see but it's in the hands of ALLAH.

Happy birthday..sweet 17.....my young man...WE LOVE YOU....

A WEEK OF RECHARGED

The soft beauty of the early morning offered comforts or it seems comfortable enough. The stars still shine,and flowers still perfume the air,ahh yes...the smells of neighbours cooking nasi lemak,chicken curry and oh dear..did I smell kurma as well...Like a slap in the face in a way...it makes both of us hungry....

We did everyday..twice..walking without fail.We didn't loose weight..probably the penimbang iteew rosak.Imtiaz said,buy digital lah kak...oka..next month's budget...but I think we've burnt a few calories..hehehe

Our time spent together..Inhale..exhale...inhale...exhale...full of love....

1000hrs ~ My daughter drove back to campus

1130hrs ~ Reached Seremban Highway....

1500hrs ~ Arrived safely at Skudai...

Alhamdulilah...

THOSE WERE THE DAYS...

Those were the days where we could eat together,holiday together,fishing together and cooking together.

How come I didn't even remember of not finishing this diary?maybe it's not too late..after all we are still us and we are still here.....

There's a lot of things in my mind and I wish I could write the whole thing in here but I hold on to it for a little while until the situations are back to normal.

Today as I opened my facebook an old friend found me...and I'm glad. It seems that when you're not getting younger everyday..you just need to know how's your friends doing..your teachers who taught you in school and becoming what you are now...are they all still alive? are they doing well?..if so, it's okay but what if it isn't? how are we to know?...

I sincerely hope to hear more from friends and teachers...not because we want to go into the window of our past..it's just nostalgic..a memory. Although I tried to bury my past.... I felt it's a burden sometimes.